I just have to share what broke my heart yesterday. Not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things, but we journeyed to Northpoint Mall yesterday because Leah had been promised a carousel ride with Mommy on mother's day . . . well, we never got there on Sunday so Monday was the day! Leah told me all about the bunny she would ride and how she would go 'round & round' and 'up & down'. Well, you get the picture- she was excited! So, we stepped off the elevator into the food court (where the awaiting bunny should be) and amidst the re-construction was a gaping hole and no carousel. I gasped and began preparing the sentence that just might cause a meltdown right there in the food court (& maybe not just her meltdown).

Be truthful right? "Sweetie, the carousel is gone, I don't know what happened to it, but maybe we can ride it next time". She's sitting in the stroller and I bend down to her level, just in time to see the bad news set in and little tears puddle in her eyes . . . well, she seemed to suck it up but the tears might be starting in my own eyes now. What a big girl she is! Where are the tears that my baby should be shedding right now? Why is this more upsetting to me than it is to her?

She talked about the bunny & the missing carousel all throughout lunch and on the car ride home . . . and no tears were ever shed. But I saw her sweet little face register with disappointment when I broke the news and it felt like it was my fault. I don't ever want to break her heart (even just a little) . And while I know that she must get used to disappointment in life, this lesson is hard to teach as a mommy. I can handle those sad brown eyes when I'm in discipline mode, but letting her down for any reason just plain hurts.

See, I don't have real life changing material to share with you, I'm just re-living my day as a mommy. Thank God for these moments, even the disappointing ones . . .