Two little old ladies were attending a rather long church service. One leaned over and whispered, "My butt is going to sleep.""I know," replied her companion, "I heard it snore three times."
Bloopers from Church Bulletins
- Don't let worry kill you. Let the church help.
- Thursday night : Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
- For those of you who have children and didn't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
- The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
- This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
- Tuesday at 4:00 pm there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
- Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.
- Thursday at 5:00 pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the pastor in his study.
- This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the alter.
- The service will close with "Little Drops of Water". One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
- Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.
- The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
- Don't let worry kill you. Let the church help.
- Thursday night : Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
- For those of you who have children and didn't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
- The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
- This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
- Tuesday at 4:00 pm there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
- Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.
- Thursday at 5:00 pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the pastor in his study.
- This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the alter.
- The service will close with "Little Drops of Water". One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
- Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.
- The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
and some more . . . .
- The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sabbath.
- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
- The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
- A songfest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
- Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
- The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Adams.
- Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
- Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
- Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of their first child.
- The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
- The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
- Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."
- Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
- The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
- The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sabbath.
- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
- The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
- A songfest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
- Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
- The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Adams.
- Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
- Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
- Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of their first child.
- The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
- The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
- Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."
- Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
- The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
Oh yeah, there's more . . . . .
- Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
- PRAYER & FASTING Conference. "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer Conference; includes all meals."
- Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
- "Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands."
- Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowler’s. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
- The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
- The sermon this morning: "Jesus walks on the water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’
- Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
- Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Joe’s sermons.
- The "Over 60’s Choir" will be disbanded for the summer with thanks.
- The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are afflicted with any church.
- The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
- Remember in prayer those who are sick of our church and community.
- Next Sunday Mrs. Smith will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It’s a terrible experience."
- Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
- PRAYER & FASTING Conference. "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer Conference; includes all meals."
- Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
- "Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands."
- Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowler’s. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
- The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
- The sermon this morning: "Jesus walks on the water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’
- Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
- Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Joe’s sermons.
- The "Over 60’s Choir" will be disbanded for the summer with thanks.
- The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are afflicted with any church.
- The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
- Remember in prayer those who are sick of our church and community.
- Next Sunday Mrs. Smith will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It’s a terrible experience."
Fear Not! The other playlists will be coming back tomorrow. These selected songs were just for the mood :) enjoy!
2 comments:
HA! I always love these!
You are tooooo much! I love that church can still have some "off color humor." Goes along with the real people who go there!
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