Today, I'm frustrated! She's two and frustrating me is her specialty. Now, I know she's not doing it to me or on purpose (hopefully) but she tests my patience, tries her own assertiveness, and tells me she's got to poo poo AFTER she's done it. Her whining wipes me out and her pouting leads to drama which leads to . . . well, you know how this goes. And regretfully, I find myself wanting to hurry this stage away, but then I look at this face and wonder . . . . will this precious, creative, hopeful, dramatic, stubborn, & beautiful little girl still love me when she's 10 or listen to me when she's 17? Will she think her mom is old and out dated? Will she push her Independence too far one day? Will she still want to come home when she's grown? Can I trust that my many, many prayers of protection & safety have covered her completely? Does she think I'm a good mommy?
I don't mean to get so deep today, but with my patience tested, I am reminded of the sermon this past week at church . . . about Fathering on Purpose. It spoke to Michael and I Thank God for equipping my husband to play this ever so important role in Leah's life. But what spoke to me was hard to stare at.
John Woodall, who spoke to us at Northpoint on Sunday, brought an old photo of he and his 4 children. Three proud boys, like 6 and under & one sweet girl. It was one of those great late 70's square and faded snapshots that tends to make everything look sorta orange colored . . . and as we stared at the sweet photo on the big screen he told us that from looking at the beautiful family, all dressed up for the picture, what we couldn't see was that in just 14 short years the youngest would break his heart by running & leaving. And one son would battle depression and his precious girl would give them lots of late night worrying.
So, I stare at my sweet angel, with her temper, hard head, tender heart and fun spirit and wish that I could just squeeze her tight enough to make any need to run from me . . . just run away from her. And I feel that if I tell her, "I love you baby" enough times each day, that she'll never stop saying it to me either. And I pray, Dear God I pray, that her health and safety add up to be more and better than just what I am feeding and teaching her today.
I said it in my previous blog, Hold tight to these moments, they are passing us by all too quickly. And there is a time clock on my Mary Kay website (to remind me how long I have to place orders before our sales quarter ends) but staring at it makes me panic. Literally watching second roll back, I realize that I cannot get that time back in my possession. it's just gone.
Okay, I've taken up enough airspace with this today. I'll just go back upstairs and watch her as she is napping. Thank you God for my beautiful babies. Please, please help me be a good mommy today. Amen
It's only for a moment that you are mine to hold. The plans that heaven has for you will all too soon unfold. So many different prayers I'll pray for all that you might do, but most of all I'll want to know you're walking in the truth.
And if I've never told you I want you to know that as I watch you grow I pray that God will fill your heart with dreams and that faith gives you the courage to dare to do great things. I'm here for you whatever this life brings so let my love give you roots and help you find your wings.
May passion be the wind that movesyou through your days and may convictions keep you strong guide you on your way. May there be many moments that make your life so sweet but more then memories.
I pray that God will fill your heart with dreams and that faith gives you the courage, to dare to do great things. I'm here for you whatever this life brings, so let my love give you roots and help you find your wings.
It's not living if you don't reach for the sky. I'll have tears as you take off, but I'll cheer you as you fly. I will give you roots and help you find your wings.
6 comments:
I know how you feel.
Beautifully written. And don't worry about the poo poo, that is where we were last week so I took him out of VBS and guess what? This week, no accidents!
We all feel that way some days...take a deep breath, and know that they will both test you over and over, but it is part of growing up and learning.
Hope today is great for you all!!
Makes me want to cry....I know exactly how you feel! We are in the same little stage, and I try so hard to balance "parenting" with letting her grasp her independance. She is so precious (as I wrote that, she came over and gave me a hug and said, "awwww...sweet", which is what I say whenever she does that! I'm melting!)! You are right Kristen...hold tight to the moments now!
you are such a great mother and woman of God.
you inspire me friend.
xo
HH
This brought tears to my eyes. You're so great, Kristen, and such a great mommy! One day I know that little Leah will be able to express to you how much she loves you instead of the whole poo poo thing :) I'm sure all her little precious moments make up for her little quarrels :) Miss you so!
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